Mayim Bialik knows that there is no such thing as perfect parents. The Big Bang Theory actress and neuroscientist, who is also the author of the newly released Boying Up, spoke with PEOPLE about her own parenting philosophy.
“There’s this idea that you should know what you’re doing every step of the way,” she says. “That’s not reality, especially when you have kids who are in different places developmentally.” Bialik, whose sons Miles, 10 ½, and Fred 7 ½ on the autism spectrum “meet milestones at different ages than other kids,” has learned to take things day by day — especially after noticing a few key skills were lacking in her own life.
“I’m honestly shocked that I ever got a Ph.D. because I’m very disorganized,” says Bialik. “With two boys on the spectrum, they need to be able to count on consistency and routine.” So how do you do it? Create order out of chaos with these ideas from Bialik.
“I’m not the one with all the answers,” says Mayim Bialik, who has two sons on the autism spectrum. “I need help, too.”
The mom of boys Miles (16) and Fred (12) is a PhD-educated actress and scientist whose book Boying Up: How to Be Brave, Bold & Brilliant shares her insights into raising resilient boys—and girls too!—in an era when toxic masculinity can feel like an inescapable part of our culture. In addition to her work as an advocate for children with special needs and mental health awareness, she also produces a web series for NBC Universal called Grok Nation about science communication through social media.
“There’s this idea that you should know what you’re doing every step of the way,” she says. “That’s not reality, especially when you have kids who are in different places developmentally.” Bialik, whose son Miles, 10 ½, and Fred (Miles’ twin), 7 ½ are on the autism spectrum and “meet milestones at different ages than other kids,” has learned to take things day by day — especially after noticing a few key skills were lacking in her own life.
Mayim Bialik Reflects On Parenting
“I’m honestly shocked that I ever got a PhD because I’m very disorganized,” says Mayim Bialik. “With two boys on the spectrum, they need to be able to count on consistency and routine.” So how do you do it?
Mayim Bialik’s book is more than just a source of inspiration: It’s a reminder to be deliberate about how we want to raise our children. We can’t always control what our kids will do or how they’ll feel, but we can direct them toward things that are good for them and away from things that aren’t. And when our kids don’t listen or cooperate with us, we can remind ourselves that this is normal behavior.
In other words: The best way to handle parenting chaos is with some kind of plan—even if it feels like the most unorganized one in existence!
Mayim Bialik has no problem discussing her parenting philosophy, and she hopes to help other parents find their own balance between discipline and love. As a parent of two boys on the spectrum, Bialik knows firsthand how hard it can be to communicate with children who are struggling with their emotions or behaviors. Though she believes in positive reinforcement, she also acknowledges that sometimes kids just need some time alone with themselves — and that’s OK too!
